Procrastination and Pie

My mommy is coming today and I couldn’t be happier!  I made the really tough decision that I’m not going to ‘visitors from out of town coming’ clean because quite frankly I don’t lie to my mother, not to mention that would take me away from writing such fabulous posts and who wants that … but I thought out of respect I would straighten the house up (aka hide our mess) and sweep up the remaining couch cushions that the puppy let us know we no longer needed …  so I send my adorable 7 yr old mommy’s helper to gather up the broom and stand up dust pan because you all know there is no way I am actually going to bend over to pick shit up … but when she returns, my beloved dust pan is in two hands AND PARTS … NOOOOOO, this can’t be happening, mom will be here in 24 hours, what am I going to do … so like any other normal person under the gun, I decide it best not to sweep because scattered crap is less obvious than piles of crap, agreed? … then this morning bright and early the crap looked much worse than it did in the moonlight, so like George Thorogood, ‘Out The Door I Went’ … hunting for a replacement was not an easy feat, 3 stores, numerous ducking down aisles to avoid people I recognized and multiple bags of shit I didn’t need later, I finally find and purchase the very last standing dust pan … on the way home I felt deserving of a reward for all my hard work which still doesn’t include any cleaning, and I take my remaining change rattling at the bottom of my pocketbook  and purchase myself a heated beverage from the closest drive thru that sells overpriced coffee  …. and in holiday spirit,  at no extra charge (wink wink), they even threw in one of those little green spill stopper sticks, how ingenious is that gizmo, I just love it … well maybe just a little too much, or maybe not enough for the guy in the car next to me … apparently while I was stopped at the traffic light feeling pity for the guy in front of me with the brand new BMW 7 series that he will be spending more time in the Service Dept with than driving (yeah bad experience and just  a tad bitter), I wasn’t paying enough attention to my own actions … in addition to the green gizmo, the generous Barista also lavished me with the Whip Cream  which of course was all over the gizmo when I removed it … not one to waste the whip, I felt the need to remove it the only logical way I know how … the light turns green and all of a sudden  I catch of glimpse of what I can only guess  to be the sole straight guy I’ve ever seen with out-of-town plates staring as if I’m starring in my very own Cherry Pie video … well if he didn’t have anything to be thankful for before this morning, I believe he will be forever thankful for red lights and the green gizmo … and as for me, even with my brand spanking new stand up dust pan, it’s back to procrastinating about cleaning and being thankful that my mom wouldn’t expect anything less of me … and oh yeah, something reminded me that I needed to order  Pies!

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