If you can’t beat them

In addition to being a writer of sorts, I am also an information junkie … what that means is I spend many hours of every day reading and sifting through many different news outlets and other less reputable websites in pursuit of facts and data of various stories and topics, some serious and others completely useless to most, for my own personal knowledge … never do my searches include Self-Promoting Tabloid Trash because quite frankly these people only remind me of how ridiculous my mother now sounds with all her being an independent strong woman nonsense like: ‘you need to respect yourself, have self-confidence, get a good education and wear underwear, clean or otherwise’ blah blah blah bull shit … however, at some point in the last few years, the once distinguished organizations and sensationalist sites have all become the same, like a modern day Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup commercial, and this troubled me to no end … I began a personal boycott of those once trusted sites in lieu of others that I knew would never let me down … but no sooner did I hit save with such confidence on these new bookmarked safe havens, then they too would let me down with Breaking News texts of a Random Reality Wastes divorce, weight gain or crotch shot … realizing that unless I wanted to boycott the entire internet, which I quickly realized would also include Candy Crush, I would have to finally accept that I now live in a Benjamin Buttons media world where reading is becoming so obsolete that the reader comments are longer than the actual articles … and sadly I’ve become an alternative American with a small group of other people that are not satisfied with just 140 characters, an emoji and a PhotoShopped image … so rather than take the chance on being deported like all other minorities, I’m voluntarily conceding all the way to a lower IQ … because you know what they say ‘If you can’t beat them, try and keep up with them you Fabulous Fucking Bitches’

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